Sacrifice

I’m extremely tired, my hormones are high, I felt like crying uncontrollably all day, my back is sore from injections that I’m doing daily and overall just emotionally tired. Matt gave me a hug at the end of his workday and I jokingly said, “Is this even worth it?” Ok, I say jokingly but I’m not so sure if I really meant it jokingly.

Going through IVF has been the greatest sacrifice I have ever given for another human being. Is it worth all the constant injections? The crazy hormones? The pain from failure? The most debt we’ve ever accrued so quickly? Living crazy tight from said debt?  Is it worth the constant fear of it not working? The months of physically being sick before I even become pregnant? Or not being able to care for the two children I already have to focus on this next child?

The list goes on and on and on. If I look at it from a personal standpoint then no. This is not worth it. If I think of a little child that is meant to come to my family because I am meant to be its mother and that future child is excited and destined to be a part of my family then it is 100% worth it. I am doing something for this human being that it cannot do for itself. It can’t come into this world without me. I am that key.

As I’ve pondered sacrificing so much for this child I can’t help but think of the sacrifice that Jesus Christ has given for me. Was it worth it to him? I like to think so. He sacrificed so much to give us what we were not capable of giving ourselves. He gave us life. He gave us access to eternal life that would have always sat out of reach even for the best of us.

I’ve pondered the sacrifice he has given and endured to then sometimes have it be rejected by us. How many times did he suffer for something to help us, and we reject Him? Whether purposefully rejecting Him or simply not turn to Him for help when we desperately need it. Is his sacrifice worth it then? I think that it is. No matter how many times we reject His offering of love he is always there willing to help us on our path. He is willing to have sacrificed everything for us for that moment when we finally turn to Him and seek His help. Because He suffered for us He knows our pain and when we finally turn to Him he knows how to heal us.

His sacrifice is so worth it. At least to me. I know he is there waiting to aide me when I am weak, when I fall short, when I need His help to overcome the temptations that so easily sway me. He is constant. I believe that each one of us was worth the sacrifice to Him. He loves us.

My sacrifice is so incredibly small compared to His sacrifice. It has humbled me as I ponder it. If going through my sacrifice teaches me anything about His love and sacrifice then that alone is completely worth it.