Infertility Club

I am part of a club. A club that no one wants to be in or even talk about, this is the club of Infertility. I bet almost everyone knows someone in this club or is part of it themselves. There is so much about infertility that no one talks about.

No one talks about the guilt that you feel. Guilt that a woman or man carries that they are the cause of the problem, or in our case, matt and I are both infertile. We carry this guilt/burden together. You can't help but feel like you somehow caused this disease of infertility. Something somewhere that you did caused this. It’s not always true but it is how it feels.

No one talks about the guilt you feel when you aren't doing absolutely everything in your control to be 100% healthy in hopes that weight loss will cure you, or if you quit eating sweets or junk food then your body will begin to work right.  There is a lot of guilt there. With each choice you make that doesn’t appear to be the right healthiest choice, there is guilt.

No one talks about how hard it is to hear other people tell you how to get pregnant. I'm just throwing this out there that telling a couple that they just need to relax does not somehow reverse PCOS or any other form of infertility.  Or that once you adopt you’ll just get pregnant. We adopted twice and it did not cure our infertility. I totally understand that it does happen but it is not somehow a guarantee that it will for every couple.

No one talks about the pain of people telling you to just adopt. “There are tons of kids out there who need a good home!” What they don’t know is how big of a decision that is for a couple to make or what a painful journey adoption can be and that it never takes away the pain of being infertile.  

Infertility is tricky because most insurances won't cover it. It's not necessary for your life to be treated for infertility but it causes such a deep hole in yourself that you never feel right about life as you live through it. It can be a source of depression. I know because I've been there. 

Infertility is a huge financial stress. We have poured thousands upon thousands of dollars into infertility treatments and adoption, all because we were infertile. I’ve totally lost count at this point how much money has gone into infertility for us.

No matter what choice an infertile couple chooses to take it is not an easy choice. Every path is incredibly difficult and emotionally straining. 

No one wants to talk about the pain of failure. It hurts to have hope and think that this time is it to then get a negative on that test result. It is soul-crushing hard to live through. 

To live through infertility treatments is another story. You go through countless tests, shots, medications, crazy hormones, appointment after appointment to maybe be pregnant in the end and maybe not.

No wonder no one wants to talk about being in this club. Most everyone chooses to be a part of it in silence. It's hard to talk about. It's hard for others to know what to say. It's hard to share. It’s ugly to live through. There is no easy way of living this life.  It’s hard to share with others that you are broken. That your body can’t do what theirs does so naturally. It’s so hard to describe how painful that is. This is why we keep it to ourselves. We feel broken.

I do not share this looking for pity. I don't pity myself so no one else should either. I share because it should be shared. The details of living this life of infertility is something else. Those of us who live through this should be more open so that those who don't live through this can understand us better and know better how to interact with us. All any of us wants is support and love no matter what we go through. 

I know that there are endless trials that others go through that I do not understand. I know I probably am the one who doesn't know what to say or say the wrong thing. 

I think it is time to be more open in the things we face. we would be able to love and support each other better if we understood even just a little bit. The truth is, I'm happy with my life. I wouldn't change it. Even infertility. It is crazy hard but I've learned more in my life from this single trial than anything else I've ever faced. 

It's been hard but I am blessed.