Thinking

We hosted Thanksgiving at our home this year. Before all the people came and feasting started we were cleaning our little hearts out so it didn’t look like we lived in a total wreck. The truth is out, we really do live in a wreck 99% of the time.

As we were cleaning I came up with the game plan. We clean our upper floor first, then the basement and save the middle floor for last. It made sense and it was clear. Matt agreed to do it with me. Ok, I really thought we had agreed to my plan but as we were going, I stopped and realized that he was cleaning wherever he wanted. Mostly on the main floor. The floor that I had said would make sense to clean last since that’s where the kids hang out most of the time. They create the most messes and it would be easier to save that for last.

I sat there and just observed. Why didn’t he understand the plan? He understood it all right but he had a different idea of how he wanted to help.

A year ago I would have gotten angry. Why wouldn’t he do it my way? Why is he deliberately going against me? I would have passively-aggressively let him know he was doing it wrong. Maybe this makes me sound like a little bit of a control freak, maybe I am.  

This year was different. I sat there and started thinking. I realized that as two adults we both had an idea of how to go about cleaning a house. It stopped me for a moment. Why didn’t he see my way as the best way to do it? I realized that my way wasn’t the right way or the only way. It was just how I wanted it done. His way wasn’t the right or only way either it was just how he saw to do it and so he was doing it.

I realized that I can’t choose how he thinks. He is a full-blown adult. He gets to have his own thoughts and ideas and he can do what he wants. We all have different ideas of how things should happen. We have ideas and expectations of any given circumstance. I hope that I’m not the only adult out there in the world who tried to control their spouse by having things done their way. It’s not too out there of a thing. Right?

We live in a world where our voices can be heard. We are all expressing what we think. How often do we share what we think and expect that it makes sense and others should totally agree with us?  In reality, others don’t agree because they don’t think the same way we do.

This might seem like a no brainer but I think it really is so easy to be in your own thoughts and believe them to be the best and get upset when others don’t agree. I think the trick to all of this is that every single one of us has to learn that it is 100% okay for others NOT to think like we do. It doesn’t make them weird, or stupid or less than us. They just see things differently.

I admit that often I see how someone else thinks and I think that my way is better. It’s not true but it is how I have seen it.

It takes humility and flexibility to let others think the way they think. It's a beautiful thing that we all think differently. That is how it was intended to be. We need different thoughts to create different things. It's good we don't all think the same way but we do have to learn how to let others think the way they think.