Life is more than sunshine and rainbows

These are some of my thoughts about trials. I happen to have some. They just aren’t any fun. If they were fun none of us would mind having them. As it is, the meaning of trial is - a test of faith, patience, or stamina through subjection to suffering or temptation. That word suffering is tucked into that sentence. I think that anyone in this world understands the word suffering.  We’ve all been there, right? I learned something from a really hard trial that I’m going through right now. This trial will last my lifetime and many trials do. So if it helps anyone else that is going through a really tough trial I hope this can help you even a little bit. Even if it’s just that you don’t feel alone in what you’re going through.

Some trials feel like they will never end. For some trials, they won’t. At least for this lifetime. We are all going to experience something that feels that way. It seems to me that often in my life a pile-up of trials will come and I feel like they are all screaming for my attention all at once. Kind of like a kid when they see you on a telephone. It is incredibly exhausting.  When all of my trials are piled up like that I feel like I’m emotionally drowning. That’s how it feels to me. Maybe I’m alone in that but I kind of think I’m not.

When I’m going through this really hard time I often tell myself that other people have it harder. I should be grateful for what I have, or I need to count my blessings, or I should focus on others, not myself. It’s like I’m trying to convince myself that I’m not going through something incredibly tough but the truth is that it is really hard. All those thoughts just make it worse. I feel guilty. I feel like I should buck up and take my trials with a smile.

Reality is that my trials knock me down and when I’m depleted they can sometimes crush me.

If you were drowning you would be intensely focused on what was happening to you. You wouldn’t be telling yourself that someone else has it worse off than you or that you should count your blessings or be thinking of ways you could help someone else or telling yourself that you’re ok. You would be trying to save yourself. OK, I’ve never drowned but I’m assuming it’d be something like this. What if you’re emotionally drowning? No one sees it. You feel intensely focused inward at how horrible it all feels and the last thing you can focus on is how to do anything but survive. I’ve been there. I think many of us have.

I think it’s okay to admit, especially to ourselves, that we are not okay sometimes. It’s alright to admit honestly that life isn’t always so good. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows. That’s okay. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to recognize when you’re going through something incredibly hard. It’s also okay to pick yourself and keep going. To say to yourself “This is soul-crushing hard but I’m going to keep trying anyway.” That is incredibly hard to say but you can. That is why we are here on earth. To experience everything. We did not come here to only experience the happy and joyful moments. That would definitely be nice but we wouldn’t get where we want to be. There is so much that comes from trials. I hate them but I wouldn’t change where I’m at. Not even one bit. They are mine and they are shaping me into who I am.

Isaiah 48:10

“Behold, I have refined thee, I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction.”

Refined is a means to remove impurities or unwanted elements from something. God is refining us. Let’s be honest, it hurts to be refined. If you are currently feeling the pain of affliction here’s a thought. God is refining you right now. He is allowing you to go through an incredibly intense experience to create an even more amazing version of yourself.

It’s okay to recognize the actual real pain you are experiencing. Nobody is experiencing it just like you. It’s okay that it hurts. Don’t tell yourself that it’s not so bad or other’s have it worse. Your affliction is yours. It’s real. It’s planned to create something new. You will never be the same after a life-altering trial. You will see the world in a different way. You will be a more refined version of you that will help the world be a better place.

It’s okay to stop every now and again and say “I need a break, this is intense and it hurts!” and after a break keep going. You are going to be an incredible human being for going through affliction. Slow down, care for you. Tell others no when it’s too much. There will come a day where you feel like you can move forward again. It may take a while to get there but you can keep moving forward.

Ether 12:37

Because thou hast seen thy weakness thou shalt be made strong, even unto the sitting down in the place which I have prepared in the mansions of my father.