One I have come across is a picture of a boy crying and the caption says:
I wouldn’t let him eat a battery for breakfast.
A picture of a girl crying says:
I told her she couldn’t go inside the dishwasher
Another says: I won’t let him eat trash or another: because I wouldn’t let her eat a bag of sugar
In these pictures, the kids are usually 2-3 years old. They are so young and it makes sense why they don’t seem to understand why these aren’t good things to do. Those little kids want it their way so badly that when they are told no, it’s truly devastating. We can see why it’s not okay to eat a battery, be inside the dishwasher, or eat a bag of sugar but to them, it is truly heartbreaking for them not to get to do those things.
I think I’m sometimes like those little crying toddlers. Asking my Heavenly Father for something and being upset when he says no or not now. He sees the big picture and can see why something is good or not good for me to do and from my perspective, I’ve got great ideas. Sometimes I get upset when my way doesn’t work out.
In our last general conference, Elder Soares said:
“During our sojourn in mortality, we often wrestle with what we think we know, what we think is best, and what we assume works for us, as opposed to comprehending what Heavenly Father actually knows, what is eternally best, and what absolutely works for children within his plan."
God is all-knowing and sometimes I act like I’m all-knowing but I’m not. Sometimes I even get caught up in telling God how I know things would be great a certain way and it’s not too big of a surprise that he might not agree with me.
In 2018 we bought a house here in Pocatello. We loved this house. It was in a quiet neighborhood, close to McKay’s school, friends in the neighborhood, and a ward we loved. We loved that house. It felt like we were home. We spent a lot of time and money updating the house and creating it to be the way we wanted. When they announced the Pocatello temple we were so excited! We were close enough to walk to it. I had this daydream of what it would be like once it was completed to get to walk there and do temple work. We could see it being built from our driveway. We just really loved that house.
Fast forward to January of 2020 We had been there for 18 months. We had been going through some things that were piling up medical debt and it was a strenuous time for us. We were hitting the point of not knowing what to do and I went to the temple in Idaho Falls since the Pocatello temple wasn’t completed yet. I was sitting there when a clear unmistakable thought came for us to sell our house and move in with my in-laws.
I felt sick! Not our house we loved! I was upset as I sat through the rest of the session. I went home and lay down in the middle of the living room with my face in the carpet. Matt was sitting on the couch and he asked how the temple went. I groaned. I didn’t even want to tell him the thoughts I had just had. Eventually, I told him the thoughts that felt so clear and the unmistakable feeling of the spirit that I had had. We talked and prayed. The next day Matt went to the temple, I was so anxious waiting for him to get home. Hoping he would come home and say I was wrong. Sure enough, he had his own confirmation that selling our house was what God was directing us to do.
I was angry, sad, and confused. All these emotions in me and it was hard to truly take in what God was suggesting we do. I was holding onto that house as tightly as I could. It was the one good thing for us at that time. Everything else was kinda falling apart around us. It’s been so long that I don’t quite remember what led me to let go but I hit this point that if God was telling us to sell this house then he probably knew what we didn’t. We decided to trust him and sell the house.
Preparing that house to sell was very painful. Emotionally and physically. We had many projects halfway done. We had things we had started and were slowly working on but not completed. Emotionally It was painful for me to let go but I was in on what God wanted us to do. I was still upset but I also wanted to follow what God was asking me to do. I felt pain and trust at the same time. I wanted to keep that house so badly and I kept hoping that something would change and it would be nevermind, you can keep the house, maybe an Abraham situation where you go forward and then you don’t have to go through the full sacrifice.
That didn’t happen for us. We got the house ready to sell and put it on the market in March of 2020. The week we put the house on the market the world started shutting down for COVID. That very Sunday was the first one we all had church at home. It was a weird time to sell a house.
We got an offer on the house and we waited for the closing date to come. That offer fell through and then we got another offer. A few weeks after we listed the house Matt was laid off from his job. It came out of nowhere. He was working remotely for a company in Utah and this company relied on airlines for some of their profit, as airlines shut down this company was hurt quite a bit. They had to lay several people off and lower the pay of many other workers.
It seemed so clear why God had asked us to list this house to sell. We had medical debt, no job, and a mortgage we could no longer afford. We sold the house and moved in with my in-laws just as we both felt God was telling us to do. The sale of the house took care of all the medical debt we had acquired.
So even though I could see that God was taking care of us I was mad. I was hurt that there hadn’t been some other way to save our house for us. I was upset and hurt that God didn’t have a different alternative for us. It was a few years of carrying this anger around in the background of my mind. I had been obedient but I hadn’t been happy about it. One day I was upset and praying and I couldn’t figure out why I had an issue with God. I was upset about something and I guess I was saying a not-so-happy prayer when the thought came to me that I was holding it against God for the sale of our house. I was surprised. This anger and hurt had kind of been hidden even from me for several years. I was upset and did not even realize that I was holding this against Him.
At that moment I knew that I didn’t want to be angry anymore. I didn’t want to blame Heavenly Father anymore. I had chosen to follow his call to sell our house. We had chosen to sell. We had chosen God and in that moment years later, I wanted to choose him with my heart as well.
As I let that anger go I saw that God was loving us and taking care of us in a really difficult time. Probably the best way to take care of us. He was actively helping us make money off of our house instead of us foreclosing on it or whatever else might have happened. He helped remove a heavy debt that we couldn’t pay. When I set down the anger I could appreciate and love God for caring for us.
Even though I had been angry at the time I was so glad I chose to follow God in that moment. I know I wasn’t so willing for God’s will to be done but I still acted on it. I became willing as I allowed God to soften my heart.
Proverbs 3:5-8
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil. It shall be health to thy navel and marrow to thy bones.
I believe that God has a path that works for us. It’s a path that leads us back to him. We have these earthly experiences, like selling a house, where it’s an opportunity to exercise trust in God. The house doesn’t have much to do with eternity but the process of allowing God’s will to be done over mine is preparing me for eternity. The relationship and trust I’m building with God is far more precious to me than a house. Even one that I loved.
I love the talk President Nelson gave in October 2020, Let God Prevail
The question for each of us is the same. Are you willing to let God prevail in your life? Are you willing to let God be the most important influence in your life? Will you allow His words, His commandments, and His covenants to influence what you do each day? Will you allow His voice to take priority over any other? Are you willing to let whatever He needs you to do take precedence over every other ambition? Are you willing to have your will swallowed up in His?
When we choose God and we make covenants with him we are making a commitment to let him prevail in our lives but it is not easy. In
Abraham, The Lord says, “We will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them.” That takes commitment and sacrifice. As we are willing we aren’t left alone to face these situations that prove us. God is helping and supporting us.
I think of our Savior being the ultimate example for us.
John 6:38-40
For I came down from heaven, not to do mine own will, but the will of him that sent me.
And this is the Father’s will which hath sent me, that of all which he hath given me I should lose nothing, but should raise it up again at the last day.
And this is the will of him that sent me, that everyone which seeth the Son, and believeth on him, may have everlasting life: and I will raise him up at the last day.
Our Savior knows what it is to allow his will to be swallowed up in the Father’s will and as we desire to do the same he can help us to be able to do that.
Through the experiences that I’ve gone through, I’ve learned for myself that God loves me, and while I’ve gone through really trying times He never leaves me to face it alone. That is what helps me to be more willing. Seeing his help during trials and then afterward being able to learn and see why the things God has asked me to do are actually for my benefit. That allows me to trust and be willing when the next time comes around when God asks me to do something.
I’m grateful for my life even with the crazy ups and downs. It’s preparing me for eternity which I am most grateful for.
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