Man, you don't go into something thinking that it's just not going to work. You go in hoping for the best and plan on success. Sometimes things don't go as planned. Okay, lots of things don't go as planned it's what life is like. Seven months ago we transferred our little embryo. We were so hopeful. Everything looked great and we just knew this was going to work out. We were so excited.
The day we found out that it didn't work was completely devastating. I remember so clearly the emotions of that day. Matt and I left the kids with my parents and took off for a night to process what was happening. At that moment we both agreed that we would never, ever go down this path again. It was way too painful. Three days later a thought came to my mind that we were not done. This was not our ending. I debated with that little voice because it was wrong. I was done and I was not trying anymore! Sometimes that little voice is really patient and waits for your heart to change. Over the course of 6 months little thoughts, and whisperings to our hearts kept coming. We really weren't done and this was not our ending.
So here we are, ready to put our hearts on the line again. I say ready loosely. Somehow lots of loss REALLY affects your ability to hope again for the thing you just lost. I hurt but I know it's okay to try again. I kinda super dread the process of all the needles, appointments, and overload of hormones. No one is ever ready for that but I'm willing to face this again. Not because I expect success but because I trust that still small voice that says try again. I trust that voice and who it comes from so here we go.
I have no idea how this will turn out. I'm not even going to try to guess. I'm just going to go into it trusting that we'll be taken care of and that we are loved by God and he has something in mind for us. I'm going to trust that.
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